see you

Breathing you in is like air to me. Your lips close on mine and my vision becomes hazy, my eyes close involuntarily, my head feels like its floating above the clouds. The taste of coffee, cigarettes and you–its unbearably intoxicating. It’s amazing how every fiber in my body is hyper-aware to your touch. It’s amazing how your voice is like honey, and I just can’t get enough. It’s amazing how I crave your hands holding mine, your skin sliding against my skin, your lips in my ear whispering my name, whispering you loved me. It’s amazing how our fingers intertwine, and your kisses on my nape, my back makes me feel the safest in the world.

It’s amazing how sometimes, you just fucking annoy the hell outta me. I keep thinking you’d probably rather be anywhere else and you just can’t–when I know you spend almost all your time either with me or talking to me. I keep thinking maybe this is just a fluke or a passing fancy of yours because I make you feel important, loved. Did you know I’m incredibly terrified of losing you? That I still can’t believe you’re with me again. Its amazing how you could mean so much to me in such a short amount of time. And I wonder if I’d always have you or if you’d leave again, like you did years ago. You said you won’t, and we shouldn’t dwell on that. That we were different people back then. That now you’re mine, all mine, and that I am yours. I damned hope to God that’s true. Because I don’t know what I would do if you suddenly decided that you didn’t want me anymore. I can’t help but wonder, do you still think about her? Do you still love her? Are you with me just because you think i’ll help you move on? Do you miss me the minute I leave like I miss you the minute you do? Do you feel like I’ve taken a part of you when I go? Because I do. I miss your eyes, your smiles, your hugs and the way you always wanted to be close to me in all the ways it is possible to be close to someone else. I miss your kisses, and I wonder how I could have ever lived without them. Do you really love me? It does seem like you do. But my own doubts is why I sometimes need constant assurance.

Its why the need to be in your arms is as potent as the blood in my veins. Why every time I see you after being apart, I need to restrain myself because all I want to do is to jump into your embrace and kiss your mischievous face. It’s why I if I had my own way, I want to always be by your side. I don’t like the feeling I get when I’m not with you–like I’m drowning in a vast sea, and you’re the first gasp of air, the first lungful of oxygen. It’s how I know I’ll always choose you. Darling, if I could make a wish on all the stars in the universe and all the grains of sand in all the beaches of the world that you will stay with me–the promise of you and I like the taste of forever on your lips–I’d make that wish a thousand times.

And now I ask you–how many other ways could I tell you that I love you so you’d believe me too?


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